When cancer strikes, it affects more than just the patient. Those surrounding him or her have their own set of obstacles to overcome, and sometimes the highest hurdles come from a caregiver’s own head. Here is a compilation of five thoughts a caregiver may have and how to handle them.

We can’t afford this.

Money problems can cause mountains of stress for anyone fighting a battle against illness. As the bills pile up, it can be difficult to keep your head above water. At times, you may even find yourself questioning whether it’s worth it to write another check for treatments that may or may not be working—that is, before you rapidly shake the stray thought from your head.

If they don’t get better, it’s my fault.

When you invest all of your time, energy and resources into your loved one’s care, it’s easy to acquire a god complex. You may begin to believe that every change in their health is a direct reflection of your efforts.

You may celebrate yourself when their condition improves or demoralize yourself when it worsens, burdening yourself with all the credit—and consequently, all the fault—at each step. This inevitably leads to a black hole of way too much pressure that you could do without.

Nobody cares about me anymore.

When you’re the caregiver for someone with cancer or other illness, fewer people are likely to ask “How are you?” in favor of “How are they?” Understandably, the person you are caring for becomes the hub of conversations and interactions.

It’s not that you don’t appreciate everyone’s concern, but there may be times you’d like to scream, “Hey! I’m here, too. I struggle, too. I matter, too!”

I don’t want to be the strong one all the time.

Caregiving is 24/7 work, and it isn’t always easy. You’re exhausted, frustrated and scared, but you don’t get days off at this job.

Many times throughout your loved one’s battle, you may feel this close to throwing in the towel—at least for a few hours—and breaking down. You’ll want to bury your face in a pillow or cry on someone’s shoulder and have someone tell you everything’s okay. It isn’t fair that your needs always have to come second to those of your loved one, and you can do nothing but suck it up. After all, they have cancer.

I shouldn’t be thinking these things.

As the caregiver, you are convinced that thinking these things makes you a terrible person. How could you possibly complain about anything when your loved one is battling something much more serious?  Over time, the guilt builds up and exacerbates your existing anxieties, leading to a world of hurt.

Listen up.

You are normal. These are rational, common thoughts that naturally crop up under the stress of caring for someone with a long-term illness. Here are a few tips to help you come to terms with these thoughts:

Remember that money is one of the top sources of stress even on a good day—worrying over finances is a pragmatic and expected part of fighting illness. There are a variety of counseling and advising services available to you to aid in your personal battle against money-related stress.

Keep in mind that while the care you provide your loved one can influence their illness trajectory, you are not in control of their cancer. A wide variety of factors affect their condition, and your care is only one of those factors. Give up the reins on this one. You’ll feel better for it.

It is highly important to take care of yourself during this time. Make it a priority to find a support group and/or a trusted confidant with whom you can express your feelings. Despite what it may feel like, you are not alone in thinking these things. Talking it out in a nonjudgmental exchange may be exactly what you need to get back on the horse and resume feeling like the superhero you are.

Do things for yourself. You are still your own person even as you’re caring for someone else. As much as possible, continue doing the things you love. Get enough rest, eat well and spend quality time with other people in your life.

Ask, ask, ask for help! It is neither weak nor shameful to reach out to those around you. When people ask you, “How are they?” give them an update—and then tell them how they can be of service! Not only will this relieve some of the weight from your shoulders, it gives others an opportunity to contribute to the wellbeing of someone they care about in a more tangible way than putting you through the Spanish Inquisition every time you run into each other.

Being honest with yourself about these feelings does not mean you care for your loved one any less—it means you have found the strength to take care of yourself while still giving your time, energy and love to him or her.

Note: If you are not a caregiver but know someone helping a loved one battle cancer or other long-term illness, remember that caregivers are people, too.